Do it with passion, or not at all

I've been thinking about passion and avoiding studying for my final final. I am absolutely terrible at physics, and the fact that it is irrelevant, or at least this version is irrelevant, to a biology major isn't helping my motivation. I also have a group paper due for my biomedical engineering class and no one has sent me their parts. Well, if I don't have them Wednesday night, its not getting turned in. It's not my departments anymore, its not my major, and the class is worth nothing to me anymore

I really wish I had a passion. I watch all these people that know exactly what they want and have plans to get there, and here I am flailing around trying to figure it out. I switched my major and picked one based on an interest in high school and the thought that it could be useful. I have no clue if its something I can be passionate about. I've never had a talent that made anyone take notice, or make me think that I'm good enough to have a future with it. Maybe I can't be passionate about anything. My interests include messing around the computer and playing the guitar. Neither of things are any different than anyone else's interests and aren't passion. I think I think too much to find a passion. I'm over thinking it. Or maybe everyone with passion is under thinking it. Sometimes I would just love to go blindly into something I think will make me happy and not think about the money. But I'd need to find that passion first, and I'd need to shut my brain up.

"If you're suddenly doing something you don't want to do for four years, just so you've got something to fall back on, by the time you come out you don't have that 16-year-old drive any more and you'll spend your life doing something you never wanted to do in the first place."
 - Ewan McGregor

I don't want to pick a career and find out I have no passion for it, that I hate it, and that I have wasted all my drive on it. I feel like I'm beginning the process of settling. That we all are. Everyone is in everything for the money. Like engineering. I know very few people who actually want to do it for it for the right reasons. Everyone is concerned with the money and the title and the prestige of calling themselves an engineer. In the words of a 2nd floor friend, "When you become an engineer you get a lab coat and a false sense of superiority." I guess that's how a lot of jobs are. Doctors, lawyers, business people, everyone is into everything for the money and I don't want to be that person.

"There is only one passion, the passion for happiness"
- Denis Diderot

We all just want to be happy, right?

Now that I am done with that, time for the Shirali part of this post. She is not amused.

Tomorrow is my last final, and Friday I leave for home. It's going to be weird to be back, but I think its time. I'm ready to be done for now.

~Noelle

5/09/2013

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