Musings of a Semester Gone By

I originally wrote this post when I got home from school last Saturday, set it aside, then edited it, and reedited it. I cut some parts, and added some parts.

This semester probably wins for most eventful. I came in ready for anything. It was different from the first time around because I already had friends and I already knew what to expect, or I thought I did. I spent most of this semester surprisingly happy. I don’t really know why, but for the most part I was really happy.

I came in August for Major Events Committee, which I wouldn’t do again, but had an okay time doing. It was basically just college camp. We saw speakers and then helped move people in to their dorms. I got a lot of free t-shirts.

Major Events (Never again though)

Classes started. They went alright. I got yelled at for cell phone usage 2 weeks in during biology class, which basically gave me an irrational fear of the professor.

Our friend group sort of disintegrated. I don’t really know what happened. I guess we all changed, and there were left over fights. I made really good friends with smaller group of people I stayed with in this weird separation, and I stayed friends with everyone for the most part, so that's cool.

I’ve also spent a lot more time with my Christian homeschool friends, something that has been a bit mind blowing. I don’t really know how that happened. But I really like them.

I’ve been working a little on the religion thing. I kind of like the Catholic church. I don’t really know why, but I like the ritual and the tradition of the whole thing. My mom would probably kill me if I decided to be Catholic, but then again maybe she wouldn’t. I’ve tried the praying thing, but I don’t feel like I’m very good at it. We only really pray when we want things. I feel like I pray too much for my grades (first world probs).

My October was pretty uneventful. I really do not remember much from it. I went to a pretty lame Halloween party and read the last book in the Divergent series. My grades started to slip sometime in there.

Our appropriate Halloween costumes

November is when all the excitement hit. It went by surprisingly fast, for unusual reasons, but it was a growing up moment. Or multiple moments. It was full of moments of advocation and holding my tongue. Feelings of apprehension over the health someone I barely knew. I couldn’t really figure out why I cared so much. I like to think it’s because I am a good person, but that might just be my ego talking, and I lost out on my chance at free tuition. I did get a boost in my people skills though. I started to feel better about my ability to interact with human beings, and I think I got a pretty good friendship out of the deal.

World's most poorly timed Bitstrip (I didn't know what happened when I made it)

December was basically just finals week, but we had a kick ass Christmas party if I may say so myself. It had the qualities of the personalities of the planners. Laid back, chilled out, and low maintenance, or at least I thought so.

Group shot

Awkward cuddling (People around here seem to be into that)

Where's Waldo? Oh, it's me. 

Another good group shot

Family photo

I basically redid my entire schedule in an angry huff the other day. I’m not sure if that was a mistake or not. Maybe it was a rash decision, but maybe rash decisions can be right ones. Maybe what I was feeling at that moment gave me the courage to do what I wanted to do all semester. But, good news, at least for me, my GPA didn't tank this semester. I now have the grades I thought I needed to make my decision, but I still can’t make a decision. I have a psychology schedule set up, but I could recover the biology. I really need to sit down and make a choice, and I am going to stick by that choice for the semester. I just don’t want to have any regrets.

The semester has come to an end. I'm so glad that classes are over with, but I already sort of miss everyone. Home is boring. But I’m enjoying the break.

~Noelle

So long for now

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It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Finals Week (And Christmas Too)

It's that time of the year again, folks. All nighters, endless amounts of caffeine, becoming a fixture in the library, its finals week! Well, the end of finals week. I'm taking a break from writing a paper to write this blog post. Kind of funny. I had all semester to write the paper, but hey, due tomorrow, do tomorrow. I took my last final today, which I'm fairly sure I got a 50% on. Not even kidding. The amount of guessing I did on that test was mind blowing, sad, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

With finals, comes grades. If there is something panic inducing, it's grades. I am personally the nerd that has an excel sheet to figure out mine, and I can probably guess I'm not alone on this matter. I'm probably not going to be super happy at the end of this semester, but what can you do.

But, to everyone who is freaking out about their GPA, your grades do not define you. You cannot win at everything, and if you get a B, it will not change you as a person, and it will not change your dreams. If you get an F, well then, my condolences, but A-'s, B's, you get no sympathy from me. And to those experiencing these imperfections for the first time, welcome to the human race.

The annual Derpy Christmas Party is on Friday. I've been looking forward to it all week. It's the little things. Friends, pizza, and ice skating, what else could you want? With the planning of this for second time, we found out there was apparently a lot of drama surrounding last years party. I blame it on the fact that we were freshman, we were socially awkward, we were wrapped up in ourselves, and we were on a budget. So to everyone who wasn't included last year, another apology. Although if you slept through it, it's not our fault. This year, however, we are being more inclusive, so no derpy Giant Eagle food this year. The amount of cheese and crackers needed was too much. Oh and if you are reading this and you haven't paid for pizza, pay up.

So funny story, I may have gotten my friend Heather a copy of Royal Pains for Christmas thinking I was a super good gift giver, and then before I even opened my gift from her, I realized we got each other the same thing.

This is how Shirali opens gifts

And this is how I study or shoot nerf darts at my roommate (Don't worry, she wasn't really studying either)

I leave for home on Saturday with another semester under my belt, what feels like another wasted semester. I just keep telling myself I have to know what I don't like to know what I do, and everyone is afraid of being wrong. So I need some more time to figure out my life, I'm 19 years old. How can I be expected to know my entire future when I still have to tell my parents when I am going out. It's just all a little confusing. But, I'm going to take this break to catch up on TV shows, hang out with friends and family, and enjoy Christmas. I have a book calling my name that isn't about biology or chemistry, and a bed that could use some sleeping.

Happy holiday break,

Noelle

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Post Thanksgiving Post

I am currently on a post Black Friday shopping buzz and thought I would write a traditional list of things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. So, things I’m thankful for: The mindless shopping I did tonight, and the ability to do said mindless shopping. I got 2 TV seasons, 7 movies (Silver Linings Playbook and Perks were super cheap and I was super happy), an 8 GB microSD card, and 2 long sleeved v-necks (one of them being a stripy McLongsleeves). Some of the DVDs are gifts for my dad and sister and overall I would call the trip a success. I know it is stupid to go out a buy a bunch of stuff right after you are thankful for what you already have, but I can be thankful for all the junk I bought. The lines were surprisingly smooth and it wasn’t as crazy as I expected it to be. My friends. Everyone is thankful for those. It’s pretty cliche but I’m thankful anyway. So shout out to everyone who has made my life better, and definitely more entertaining. Thanks for all your help and awkward hugs. My roommate not dying and such. Not that I really thought she would, but the whole dying in your sleep from a concussion thing had me a bit worried. But, I guess if I’m worried it means I like her alright and all. So I’m thankful for a happy dorm room. We hit the October benchmark where I can officially say the arrangement is a success.

My family. Also a cliche. I’ve appreciated my parents a lot more lately. They were laughing because I came home a couple weekends ago and gave them hugs and thanked them for not being ass-holes. So yeah, I’m thankful my parents aren’t ass-holes. And on the family line, I’m thankful my sister got a job. She’s been searching for a while and I think she’ll enjoy having the extra money.

School. I hate it, and I love it. I’m having a bit of trouble deciding what I want to do with it. I’m trying to decide what I should major in, and I’ve been a bit of a spazz about it. Which takes me back to being thankful for my family and friends, because they have to listen to me talk about it a fair amount. But, I know I’m lucky I get to go at all, and all and all it’s been a really great experience.

Music. Both in general and for some great bands I found lately. You can be thankful for that, right? If anyone is looking for something to listen to, Run River North and the Family Crest are my current band fascinations. I thought that could potentially be relevant. And if not, I thought it was an okay plug anyway.

Food. I had a great thanksgiving dinner. My mom did a really good job, even though she skipped the pumpkin pie this year. My grandma and I were disappointed, but the cake was good too. My neighbors brought good food as well. I could stuff my face with mac & cheese all day.

So, anyway, I hope everyone had a great holiday, and now that thanksgiving is over, it’s the Christmas season! Time to break out the Derpy Christmas Party music playlist! I’ll need something to get me through finals week.

~Noelle

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American Good

Think about the last time you greeted someone. Did you ask them how they were? What did they reply with? Good. Good, that’s what I thought. Were they actually good? Probably not. 

Last semester I got in an elevator with the girl who I now share a dorm room with, and I asked her how she was, the common question to avoid awkward elevator silence. And her answer definitely alleviated the silence. I was told I was just asking to be polite, and that I didn’t really care. I had no defense to this accusation, because it was absolutely true. 

Today I was in the hallway with a friend who is Hungarian and she asked me how I was. I replied with the generic good. She asked was I good or American good? 

We're all American good. We say it to move on. We ask how people are, but we don’t actually care. We make pleasantries, but we’re not actually interested in the answer. I do it, you do it, we all do it. But, if you want to tell me how your day is actually going, I will listen to it. I can’t guarantee I will react the way you want me too, but I’ll listen. 

I’ve been wanting to write a blog post all week, but haven’t really known what to say. This week has not been my week to share. When I think about it, blogs are pretty narcissistic, I’m just sitting here writing about myself. Like my life is interesting enough to warrant writing about myself. That and avoiding studying for a test on a subject of which I am losing interest. It's really hard to like something you're not good at. So here I am, at another biology test that I will try to use to decide my fate, except this time my motivation to do well on it is gone. My most rational friend thinks I should switch majors, maybe that is a sign.

I haven't posted a good Shirali picture in a while. So here it is for your enjoyment. I figure I need to get off my serious blog post kick.

That winter weather.

 Oh and Dominick if he were gay. We really wanted to go steal a viola for him.

~Noelle

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Pascal's Wager

I suppose I should make a disclaimer, I've been in an odd mood lately and my posts haven't been as fun as usual. I really actually do like writing, I thought I would say that. I got the okay to post this from the roommate, but I don't want anyone to think I'm weird or anything so I thought I'd say something.


If you believe in God and he exists, the possibilities are infinite, and if you believe in God and he doesn't exist, you have lost nothing. With this logic, it would be foolish the refute religion. I just haven't placed my bet yet.

I haven't really thought about religion in a while, but then I went to the Judgement House, and the title is fitting, I definitely felt judged. The house was supposed to be a Christian version of a haunted house, but it turned out to be an ambush. This was through no fault of the guy who invited us, but the church that presented the house. At the end of our walkthrough drama, we were split into groups of three to talk about our faith. We didn't pick our groups very well, and I was in a group with two Hindu's. The only two Christians by this churches standards were in the same group. So anyway, the man who spoke to me and my two companions was nice and meant well, but did in no way, shape, or form make me want to be "saved." The group of us going to this house was very diverse, from Hindu's to Protestants to Catholics to people with no beliefs at all, and everyone left uncomfortable.

I don't want to put all of my views on Christianity in the hands of this one church, but its experiences like that one that make me not want a religion at all. It's people who believe that everyone who doesn't believe exactly what they believe are going to hell. It's the thought that people can do great things and be great people and still go to hell for not thinking Jesus is their personal savior. What kind of loving God would send a good soul to hell when they were a good person. This is my main gripe with Christianity. I have friends of many religions and never in a heartbeat would I think any of them were going to hell.

My parent's sort of dropped the ball of the religion front. My mom believes that I should make my own choices regarding religion but then is angry when I don't accept her protestant views. When I was a kid I thought I was going to hell for not being baptized, I was the awkward kid in Sunday School who couldn't take communion. Then as I got older, I felt like church was another place where I was Asian trying to be white. I wonder sometimes how religious my friends would be if they weren't indoctrinated into it when they were children. Would they still make the same choices? Organized religion just has a great ability to make me feel uncomfortable. But, it gives so many people hope. It makes so many people feel like their lives are worth living, which is worth more than anything.

So, I'm still sort of searching for it. Whatever it is. It has to be something. That missing feeling people say they feel, I can feel it. And I'm trying to keep an open mind so hopefully one day I will find whatever is supposed to fill that void.

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Mid-Semester Crisis

It's funny how we use numbers for everything. How a series of numbers is all the world needs to judge a persons worth. And with numbers, comes tests. When you're born you're weighed and measured in length, toes and fingers are counted, and you even take your first test and given an Apgar score. Then you grow older and they test you in school, and the first thing they tell you when you get to kindergarten is that you have to pass the first grade writing test, and then when you pass that they start to obsess about the fourth grade tests. So much that the biggest insult a teacher can give you is the notion that you're too stupid to pass them. These tests can cause a teacher to break down in front of you telling an entire group of third graders that they're too stupid to pass a test. Then you get to high school where tests start to have a little more weight. Each week in every subject they test you on the weeks lessons. You memorize and memorize but never actually learn anything because the moment the test is over your brain hits delete to prepare for the next weeks material. Then you rinse and repeat for the next four years. Then comes the college admissions tests where one number can determine where you go to school, and how much money the college thinks you are worth when they give out scholarships. And through it all there is that great number out of 4.0 that everyone is trying to reach. Then grad school with another entrance exam with another score. These numbers dictate our lives. If we let them.

I'm trying not to, but I've been having a bit of a mid-semester crisis this week. I received a C on my first biology test, and although that isn't failing, its "honors failing." And if my course grade is a C I'm going to have to cut my losses and try another major.  I really don't want to change again, and its really more out of pride than love for the subject. I don't want to be the kid that messes around all of college and can't figure anything out, and I don't want to piss off my parents. I really like college and socially it is 100% better than high school ever was, but academically I feel like I'm not getting it. This, however, has been a huge eye opener to my study skills, or lack there of. I am not going to be one of those naturally smart people, I am going to be one of those people who has to work at it. I just have to decide what's worth working at. Lately, I've thinking about majoring in psychology, but I feel like psych is a serious cop out major. Not that I think the subject is a waste, but everyone else does. And I don't want to do what I did with bio and jump into it to find out I'm not very good at it. But, I do like it, and I'm over here geeking out to a spreadsheet full of my friends personality tests. Interests, though, don't pay bills. 

So, I'm gonna spend the rest of the semester trying my best and hoping my best is good enough, and if it isn't I guess I have to make decisions. No one is perfect. I just want to say that to everyone I've been listening to freak out about they're grades lately. That and offer them my C to dry the tears from their A-. No one is perfect, and as long as you feel like you're doing what you can, there is nothing else that can be done. Accept the things that can't be changed, change the things that can be, and know the difference between the two, or you will drive yourself insane. Enjoy your life, because sometimes things aren't meant to be, and if it isn't meant to be, there will be something else to take it's place.

~Noelle

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Another Ramble

Well, I haven't actually written in a while. This seems to be how I begin every post because I keep forgetting to post. I guess the initial excitement of having this blog has worn off, but it did have a good run. Also, I'm pretty sure my reader base is just 3 people in my dorm building, and all the other hits are those weird blog crawler sites in Russia. Every sketchy thing on the internet seems to stem from Russia. I do like posting though even if its just for my own  enjoyment.

In other news the government is back up and running again. I'm not really sure where I stand on Obamacare. I watched a video about it today and the guy had me until he started ranting about how sick people shouldn't get to have health insurance because then the healthy people have to pay for them and I rage quit the whole thing. If only healthy people had health insurance, there would be no point of it even existing. Sorry, religion and politics...not polite blog conversation.

I've been thinking lately that its weird that in one day I can be incredibly sad and then in a great mood four hours later. I've been spending a lot of time in a bubble where getting a C on a test is  failing, everyone measures their worth by their grades, and homework will always come first, no matter what. We joke about it and I know this is college and school is the most important thing at this point in our lives but sometimes the whole thing just makes me sad. The entire thing, the school, the future. Well, sorry about that. I guess I shouldn't post out of work boredom about my inadequacies.

I was supposed to collect good quotes from my friends this week to put in this post but I have failed at that task. But instead of a Shirali picture, there will be a Shirali quote.

"You come out a grade-A doctor from Cuba!"

That's all I ever really needed to know.

Also I told my friends if they get into medical school, I'll buy them a baseball cap for the team of their new residence. Unless they stay here in Cleveland, then they can keep using the stuff they have, I'm not made of money. Only 50% of the people I know will make it to med school too, so hopefully that can keep the cost down. Oh and I have to bring cream puffs to a friends wedding in 2020. I really need to stop offering to buy people things. Maybe I should start a fund.

By the way, this is my new favorite song. I thought I would share.

~Noelle

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