Pascal's Wager

I suppose I should make a disclaimer, I've been in an odd mood lately and my posts haven't been as fun as usual. I really actually do like writing, I thought I would say that. I got the okay to post this from the roommate, but I don't want anyone to think I'm weird or anything so I thought I'd say something.


If you believe in God and he exists, the possibilities are infinite, and if you believe in God and he doesn't exist, you have lost nothing. With this logic, it would be foolish the refute religion. I just haven't placed my bet yet.

I haven't really thought about religion in a while, but then I went to the Judgement House, and the title is fitting, I definitely felt judged. The house was supposed to be a Christian version of a haunted house, but it turned out to be an ambush. This was through no fault of the guy who invited us, but the church that presented the house. At the end of our walkthrough drama, we were split into groups of three to talk about our faith. We didn't pick our groups very well, and I was in a group with two Hindu's. The only two Christians by this churches standards were in the same group. So anyway, the man who spoke to me and my two companions was nice and meant well, but did in no way, shape, or form make me want to be "saved." The group of us going to this house was very diverse, from Hindu's to Protestants to Catholics to people with no beliefs at all, and everyone left uncomfortable.

I don't want to put all of my views on Christianity in the hands of this one church, but its experiences like that one that make me not want a religion at all. It's people who believe that everyone who doesn't believe exactly what they believe are going to hell. It's the thought that people can do great things and be great people and still go to hell for not thinking Jesus is their personal savior. What kind of loving God would send a good soul to hell when they were a good person. This is my main gripe with Christianity. I have friends of many religions and never in a heartbeat would I think any of them were going to hell.

My parent's sort of dropped the ball of the religion front. My mom believes that I should make my own choices regarding religion but then is angry when I don't accept her protestant views. When I was a kid I thought I was going to hell for not being baptized, I was the awkward kid in Sunday School who couldn't take communion. Then as I got older, I felt like church was another place where I was Asian trying to be white. I wonder sometimes how religious my friends would be if they weren't indoctrinated into it when they were children. Would they still make the same choices? Organized religion just has a great ability to make me feel uncomfortable. But, it gives so many people hope. It makes so many people feel like their lives are worth living, which is worth more than anything.

So, I'm still sort of searching for it. Whatever it is. It has to be something. That missing feeling people say they feel, I can feel it. And I'm trying to keep an open mind so hopefully one day I will find whatever is supposed to fill that void.

Read More

Mid-Semester Crisis

It's funny how we use numbers for everything. How a series of numbers is all the world needs to judge a persons worth. And with numbers, comes tests. When you're born you're weighed and measured in length, toes and fingers are counted, and you even take your first test and given an Apgar score. Then you grow older and they test you in school, and the first thing they tell you when you get to kindergarten is that you have to pass the first grade writing test, and then when you pass that they start to obsess about the fourth grade tests. So much that the biggest insult a teacher can give you is the notion that you're too stupid to pass them. These tests can cause a teacher to break down in front of you telling an entire group of third graders that they're too stupid to pass a test. Then you get to high school where tests start to have a little more weight. Each week in every subject they test you on the weeks lessons. You memorize and memorize but never actually learn anything because the moment the test is over your brain hits delete to prepare for the next weeks material. Then you rinse and repeat for the next four years. Then comes the college admissions tests where one number can determine where you go to school, and how much money the college thinks you are worth when they give out scholarships. And through it all there is that great number out of 4.0 that everyone is trying to reach. Then grad school with another entrance exam with another score. These numbers dictate our lives. If we let them.

I'm trying not to, but I've been having a bit of a mid-semester crisis this week. I received a C on my first biology test, and although that isn't failing, its "honors failing." And if my course grade is a C I'm going to have to cut my losses and try another major.  I really don't want to change again, and its really more out of pride than love for the subject. I don't want to be the kid that messes around all of college and can't figure anything out, and I don't want to piss off my parents. I really like college and socially it is 100% better than high school ever was, but academically I feel like I'm not getting it. This, however, has been a huge eye opener to my study skills, or lack there of. I am not going to be one of those naturally smart people, I am going to be one of those people who has to work at it. I just have to decide what's worth working at. Lately, I've thinking about majoring in psychology, but I feel like psych is a serious cop out major. Not that I think the subject is a waste, but everyone else does. And I don't want to do what I did with bio and jump into it to find out I'm not very good at it. But, I do like it, and I'm over here geeking out to a spreadsheet full of my friends personality tests. Interests, though, don't pay bills. 

So, I'm gonna spend the rest of the semester trying my best and hoping my best is good enough, and if it isn't I guess I have to make decisions. No one is perfect. I just want to say that to everyone I've been listening to freak out about they're grades lately. That and offer them my C to dry the tears from their A-. No one is perfect, and as long as you feel like you're doing what you can, there is nothing else that can be done. Accept the things that can't be changed, change the things that can be, and know the difference between the two, or you will drive yourself insane. Enjoy your life, because sometimes things aren't meant to be, and if it isn't meant to be, there will be something else to take it's place.

~Noelle

Read More

Another Ramble

Well, I haven't actually written in a while. This seems to be how I begin every post because I keep forgetting to post. I guess the initial excitement of having this blog has worn off, but it did have a good run. Also, I'm pretty sure my reader base is just 3 people in my dorm building, and all the other hits are those weird blog crawler sites in Russia. Every sketchy thing on the internet seems to stem from Russia. I do like posting though even if its just for my own  enjoyment.

In other news the government is back up and running again. I'm not really sure where I stand on Obamacare. I watched a video about it today and the guy had me until he started ranting about how sick people shouldn't get to have health insurance because then the healthy people have to pay for them and I rage quit the whole thing. If only healthy people had health insurance, there would be no point of it even existing. Sorry, religion and politics...not polite blog conversation.

I've been thinking lately that its weird that in one day I can be incredibly sad and then in a great mood four hours later. I've been spending a lot of time in a bubble where getting a C on a test is  failing, everyone measures their worth by their grades, and homework will always come first, no matter what. We joke about it and I know this is college and school is the most important thing at this point in our lives but sometimes the whole thing just makes me sad. The entire thing, the school, the future. Well, sorry about that. I guess I shouldn't post out of work boredom about my inadequacies.

I was supposed to collect good quotes from my friends this week to put in this post but I have failed at that task. But instead of a Shirali picture, there will be a Shirali quote.

"You come out a grade-A doctor from Cuba!"

That's all I ever really needed to know.

Also I told my friends if they get into medical school, I'll buy them a baseball cap for the team of their new residence. Unless they stay here in Cleveland, then they can keep using the stuff they have, I'm not made of money. Only 50% of the people I know will make it to med school too, so hopefully that can keep the cost down. Oh and I have to bring cream puffs to a friends wedding in 2020. I really need to stop offering to buy people things. Maybe I should start a fund.

By the way, this is my new favorite song. I thought I would share.

~Noelle

Read More