Through all the time I have spent trying to figure out the career path I wish to take the hardest question for me has alway been, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" The question that people feel like is the key to knowing what to do now, but I can never seem to wrap my head around the concept of the future. I can't imagine me in five years. In my mind the future doesn't exist. I used to think maybe it was because I was going to die before I got to this major five years from now, but that idea is probably stupid. Just because I can't imagine it, doesn't mean it isn't going to happen.
I find that I am looking for another major change. I don't know why I can't seem to find something that makes me "happy." What is happiness anyway? Maybe happiness is just a myth we're all grasping to get a hold of. It has been pointed out that maybe I'm just looking for a quick fix for my current unhappiness. For some reason that has been a sticking point. I can't wrap my head around this future of mine, so maybe I'm just looking to fix what is wrong now. They say a degree is just the ways to an end but spending 4 years and a ton of money to discover the end game is just as bad as getting there is not my idea of a good plan.
I've also been told I'm not in tune with my spiritual future so I don't have a clue about my professional one. Another sticking point. Maybe its true. I don't know if knowing exactly what I want out of religion or what religion wants out of me is going to be the solution to my future. It might be one day, but I'm thinking of my more immediate one. But then I think about how I could die tomorrow, and that maybe I should get things straight with the man upstairs. Recently at a Psych research thing they asked me if I was a Christian and I wasn't sure how to answer, and then when I said no I felt ridiculously uneasy after leaving. I don't know if that means anything or not. Actually, I do know what it means, but I'm not one those people to want to make a big deal out of it. The whole "getting saved" thing and "finding Jesus" seems a little bit showy.
I'm always torn between the two mentalities of "Pick a career you love and you'll never work a day in your life" and "A job is a way to pay for all the things that make you happy outside of it" Can you have both? If you do it right I like to think you can. I suppose its all a matter of prospective.
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| I did a swear jar with my roommate this year for lent. We actually completed it this year with a sad, sad amount of money. Let's say I had to put $5 in after studying for one Organic Chemistry test. |
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| I also colored eggs for Easter. They were a little sad as well. Not remembering to buy vinegar was a mistake. Lemon juice does not work as a substitute for anyone that wanted to know. |
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| An open letter to my friends. I thought it was funny. I hope they did too. |
Noelle
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