Well it Had to Happen Eventually

My grades finally came in. I got an A in everything but Chemistry, where I got a C. A C that sent me into a five minute freak out, and question my whole college life, because that's what I do, I freak out. This is a side that people outside of my family rarely see from me. I am always referred to as the calm one, the one who doesn't freak out, the one with the least amount of emotion to show. But, I still have my moments.

Getting this C has made me reflect on the way things have been for me the last 14 years. This is first C I've ever gotten, ever, since kindergarten, unless you count the minus I received in skipping, but I don't think anyone does. My kindergarten teacher might. She pulled my mom in for a parent teacher conference about it and my mom just laughed and taught me how to skip at home. I was a bit of a Wiz kid in elementary school, but the people I was up against weren't anything worth comparing too. Not offense to them, but it was an inner city school and there was none of that Kumon crap or any of those montessori kindergartens. My parents read to me as a kid, and I liked books, as all my friends know from a trip to Books-A-Million where I pointed out every book in the store I read as a child. Basically, I could have just pointed to the whole children's section. I had a lot of free time when I was a kid. Then, I went to a high school where someone with a 3.8 could be ranked in the hundreds. That's a rich suburb school for you. Now, the kids I go to college with honors students. Students that have never even gotten a B before. That were valedictorians of their high schools and have won awards. For the most part, I've always been in smart company.

But, anyway, its my first C, and its in a class that actually matters for my major. I got A's in all my engineering classes but the only biology related class I got a C. This freaks me out, this makes me wonder if I am doing the right thing. This sends my head into a tilt, but then I get talked down. Usually by my mother. She's always the one who does it. I hardly ever cry anymore, but for some reason when I'm with my mom I just lose it. It's always been that way. She is also the person I can get the angriest at. I guess if you feel like someone is going to love you anyway, you can just let loose and not worry about the consequences. The people you love the most are always the people you treat the worst, because you know they will still like you when you've calmed down.

Well, thats my rant, turned awkward. I just wanted to write something.

~Noelle